The Los Angeles and Orange County lifestyle scene: where couples start

Los Angeles is a city of neighborhoods connected by freeways, and its lifestyle scene works the same way: lots of options, spread out, with regulars who stick to a club or two near home. Add Orange County and you have one of the largest club calendars on the West Coast. Here is a live look at what is coming up, and how newcomers find their footing.

What the Southern California scene is like

• Club nights are the backbone. A large share of dates on our calendar for the region are lifestyle club nights, including long-running regular nights in Orange County. Many follow a weekly rhythm, with themed and newcomer nights mixed in. Browse club nights.
• Socials and mixers in bars, lounges and private venues, popular with couples who want a relaxed night or are new to the scene. Browse socials.
• Private parties and play parties hosted by established organizers, with guest lists and house rules.
• Workshops on intimacy, communication and relationship skills, plus ENM and polyamory meetups. Browse workshops.

As you would expect in LA, presentation matters: themed nights and dress codes are taken seriously, and many events feel like a stylish night out first and a lifestyle event second.

Where events happen

Dates are spread between the city of Los Angeles, the San Fernando Valley, Pasadena and Orange County.

Distance is the main planning issue. A club 25 miles away can take an hour on a Saturday evening. Choose somewhere you can reach easily, and plan a safe way home: a designated driver or a rideshare.

Further afield, the desert around Palm Springs is a popular weekend escape for lifestyle couples, with dates on our calendar too.

Getting started in Los Angeles and Orange County

1. Find a newcomer or meet-and-greet night at a club close to you. Many clubs run them regularly.
2. Or start with a social if you would prefer a night that is conversation and drinks only.
3. Go back to the same place. In a spread-out region, becoming familiar faces at one venue is the quickest way into the community.
4. Branch out to themed nights, private parties and, later, hotel takeovers or a resort week or cruise.

Read your first club night before your first visit.

A sample first evening

Here is how a relaxed first night often goes for Southern California couples. You book tickets for a newcomer or social night at a club within half an hour of home, agree your ground rules over dinner, and arrive early in the evening, when it is quieter and staff have time to show you around. You spend the first couple of hours at the bar and on the dance floor, chatting with a few couples who have been coming for years and are happy to explain how the night works. Later, if the club has private areas, you might take the tour and simply see them. Then you head home at a sensible hour, talk about it over breakfast, and decide whether you want to come back. That is a complete and successful first night.

Local etiquette notes

• Dress the part. Check the theme and dress code; LA crowds commit to them.
• Memberships are common. Many clubs charge a membership plus a door fee, often with different prices for couples, single women and single men.
• Drive responsibly. Many venues are BYOB or have a bar. Plan your ride home before your first drink.
• Discretion still rules, even in a city full of cameras. No photos of other guests, ever.

The full rulebook is in lifestyle etiquette 101.

If you are visiting

Southern California is a natural stop for lifestyle travelers. Base yourselves near the venue you plan to visit rather than wherever is cheapest, because crossing the region late at night is no fun. Lifestyle cruises occasionally depart from Los Angeles too; check the cruise calendar.

Who the LA scene suits

Couples who enjoy a polished night out, dressing up and a regular club to call home. People exploring open relationships or polyamory will find a wide range of meetups and workshops as well. If you are not sure what you are looking for yet, start with what is swinging and open relationship vs swinging vs polyamory.

For other West Coast scenes, see the San Francisco Bay Area and Seattle guides.